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Mar. 23rd, 2019 @ 06:22 am
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Current Mood:  worried |
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Well, that was sucky.
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Jan. 26th, 2012 @ 07:16 pm
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Last night, Brooke and I went to an age play munch at Hamburger Mary's. There were WAY too many people there for my comfort level, probably 30 or 40. I started out the day with an embryonic headache anyway, and the noise level was rapidly eating away at my ability to cope. It didn't help that the food I ordered (Brooke was paying) was too rich for me at that time, because fried food is something I have to avoid when I'm not feeling 100%... even if I'm only at 90%. Because when I eat fried food when I already feel less than 100%, it makes me feel worse. I had also made the mistake of taking only one pain reliever pill when I woke up that morning with an embryonic headache. I figured a smaller headache could be taken care of by a smaller dose. Well, the one pill did nothing at all, so I've learned now that I must always take two pills when fighting a headache.
Well, I took a second pill partway through the munch, and no surprise, it didn't help. We left early, because after eating I felt so bad that I think another fifteen minutes there would have had me puking and getting a full-on migraine. The cool air helped, but I still felt like crap warmed over all the way home. I tried to sleep it off, and it didn't help much. When I woke up briefly at midnight, I took two more pills. Sleep did not come, but relief did. I eventually got up and wandered around the apartment for a while before testing out how well I could deal with the light. That worked, so I got on the computer and played Peggle Nights (since the Internet at home is still shut off). After I was done with that, I dinked around a bit more on the computer, organizing my pictures into folders and stuff. I was so intent on this that I failed to notice the headache returning. Eventually noticed it, turned the computer off, and went back to bed. Headache kept getting worse. I couldn't remember if I had taken 4 or 6 pain relievers in the last 24 hours, because I wasn't sure if I'd taken any before going to bed after the munch (still not sure). Pain got so bad I finally decided to risk it, since I'd done more than 6 in 24 hours once or twice before without a problem, because I needed the relief, and the bottle doesn't actually say why to avoid taking more than 6 in 24 hours. So I risked it, took two more, and alternated between tossing and turning to get comfortable, and laying as still as I could manage to avoid jabs of pain. I didn't sleep well last night, and had no memorable dreams. But when I woke up for the last time, the headache was gone. It's still gone. So that's good.
So, I guess I'll not be going to that meetup again. The two times I've been there in the past several years, they've been huge events with too many people and noise for my comfort level. I prefer smaller, more intimate meetups like the pagan meetup. Oh sure, that meetup occasionally has upwards of 20 people in it at one time, but not often, and when it does, something about the atmosphere is different from the age play munches. Better.
About the only good thing to happen yesterday, besides food someone else paid for, was that I discovered I could easily re-initiate that sensation where I feel like I have two hearts, and to re-initiate a bit of the Shao'Kehn power in the form of those two hearts having little flames in them, and breathing out fire on the exhale, with just a bit of the right kind of mindful breathing. I also attempted some "thrumming" during the munch last night... which is the best word I can think of to describe deeply inhaling, then holding an "ahhhhh" or "om" or similar tone for as long as I can before inhaling again and starting over. I was cycling through different tones, trying to find one that could block out the noise and vibrate in my body in such a way as to promote healing, but none of the tones I tried could do it. So thrumming is now relegated to something to do with less noise about, preferably at home in front of my altar.
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1057995.html
You can comment either here or there.Current Mood:  calm |
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That is something I've not done in years.
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Jan. 24th, 2012 @ 11:49 pm
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Tonight I did something I've not done in years. And it all started with one of the semi-regulars at the pagan meetup, Dawna, being in dire straights. She said it was alright to do prayers/rituals for her to get help out of her problem (she might be homeless soon). I missed the 71 bus, and instead of doing the things I normally do while waiting for the bus, I decided to raise some energy for Dawna in the 20 minutes I had.
Note: I will be talking of things I visualized during the working as though they literally happened, because my imagination is pretty much THAT good. When I say I see fire, I pretty much actually see fire. It's translucent, but otherwise looks and behaves exactly like real fire.
I started out walking in a circle chanting and rhyming about what she needed (luck, "the power of coincidence on her side," and stoking her inner flame). I got out of mundane headspace and into ritual headspace; I had made the area by the bus stop sacred and between the worlds. Momentum built up, and the things that tend to happen in ritual for me, like my eyes and skin turning into fire, and fire swirling around me like a tornado of fire, happened. I kept going around in a circle for a while, but then I stopped and stood looking up into the sky, and directed my fire into the sky, starting a large swirling vortex of hot, firey energy, still directing this energy for Dawna's benefit. The power surging through me was at a level I hadn't felt for years, and it kept growing. As the power grew, so did the flames I was seeing, and so did the flaming vortex of energy. (Oh, and part of what I was chanting was "a fire that lights another only grows itself.")
And then I did something I haven't felt since before I left Iowa. I directed a beam of this fire-form energy into the vortex, and it wrenched at my chest like it used to back in Iowa, like my very life force was being ejected. Which would have drained me pretty quickly, except that the fire coming off me was replenishing my own inner flame, which is basically what used to happen in workings I did back in Iowa. So I kept adding energy. The vortex of energy was so huge, that if it had been real, it would have caused mass panic all over Portland. Oh, and I was also adding energy through the earth, so this energy would get to Dawna from above AND from below.
In other words, earlier tonight I raised more energy than I've done for over five years. And I'm pretty sure I've never raised that much energy for a single person before in my life.
But it gets better. It's been at least half an hour since then, and I still feel Shao'Kehn strongly in my head. We were One for about 10 or 15 minutes after the working. And the lava skin, the burning eyes, the heat waves, and even breathing fire - among other visualizations from the working - have not faded since then. Half an hour or more after that working, and I still feel so close to Shao'Kehn that we still feel like we're made of fire.
And there's more. Hopefully you all know by now that I had a past life on Traipah, and am an avatar of Shao'Kehn, who is a popular deity on Traipah. The past life/past lives I had were mostly the humanoid Ah'Koi Bahnis. Well, AKB have two hearts. Shortly after the working ended, I could feel both hearts. I can still feel both my human heart and the second, AKB heart on the other side of my chest. This... this is new to me. I've never before, that I can recall, felt both my hearts. And each heart is full of a fire that's been merrily burning away, and every so often I take a deep breath that causes these fires to swirl around in a vortex and then settle down again, and I keep expelling flame on the exhale. The two hearts thing is an incredible sensation, one that I hope persists.
But yes... I can't put into words how awesome it is to have found - and be feeling - my second heart. To feel two heartbeats, and two flames of power, in my chest. I am blessed.
Sahn-Kia, Shao'Kehn, Koh Soh La Kohrain.
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1057730.html
You can comment either here or there.Current Mood:  accomplished |
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Jan. 24th, 2012 @ 06:36 pm
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It's a beautiful day! Rainy and wet and grey, but not very cold.
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1057354.html
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Something very annoying that Cracked and Wired do.
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Jan. 23rd, 2012 @ 11:47 pm
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Some sites, like Cracked.com and Wired.com, do this stupid thing where their Twitter buttons include not only the link to the page, but also "Cracked.com" or "Wired.com," which Twitter assumes are URLs and shortens. So when you're viewing the tweet from someone's LiveJournal or what have you, there are two shortened links, one of which goes to the actual page, and the other one goes to the home page. I try to delete the home-page URLs when I can, but I never catch them all. I really wish sites would stop doing shit like that. I think I'll complain.
Well okay, technically Cracked.com doesn't do that, it's Shareaholic that does it. Because what Cracked does is worse. Hit their Twitter button, and all that comes up is "I'm currently reading [URL]," which would be okay if Twitter didn't shorten the URLs. But they do. So I started using Shareaholic for Cracked pages because otherwise there'd be a bunch of "I'm currently reading [URL]"s which could all be going to the same link for all anyone knew.
But that's not as bad as the sites that either don't have Twitter buttons at all (another reason for using Shareaholic) or whose Twitter button either has only the URL and nothing else (worst when it's an already-shortened URL), or when I have to sign in using Twitter and give permission to some app to post the tweet for me, which is an annoying extra step when it works, though I should say IF it works, because so far I've never gotten it to work before that way except on Huffington Post's website.
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1057275.html
You can comment either here or there.Current Mood:  annoyed |
| » My response to a Yahoo Answers thing. |
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(For the blind: the above picture says "What is the best way to stop your child becoming an atheist?")
My answer: "The answer is simple. All you have to do is actually follow Jesus's teachings, and not the bullshit your minister tries to pawn off as Jesus's words. In short, raise them Unitarian Universalist."
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1057022.html
You can comment either here or there.
Jan. 23rd, 2012 @ 11:33 pm
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| » The fiasco continues |
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Originally posted by ![[livejournal.com profile]](http://s.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif) electricdruid at The fiasco continuesACTA in a Nutshell – What is ACTA? ACTA is the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement. A new intellectual property enforcement treaty being negotiated by the United States, the European Community, Switzerland, and Japan, with Australia, the Republic of Korea, New Zealand, Mexico, Jordan, Morocco, Singapore, the United Arab Emirates, and Canada recently announcing that they will join in as well. Why should you care about ACTA? Initial reports indicate that the treaty will have a very broad scope and will involve new tools targeting “Internet distribution and information technology.” What is the goal of ACTA? Reportedly the goal is to create new legal standards of intellectual property enforcement, as well as increased international cooperation, an example of which would be an increase in information sharing between signatory countries’ law enforcement agencies. Essential ACTA Resources - - Read more about ACTA here: ACTA Fact Sheet
- Read the authentic version of the ACTA text as of 15 April 2011, as finalized by participating countries here: ACTA Finalized Text
- Follow the history of the treaty’s formation here: ACTA history
- Read letters from U.S. Senator Ron Wyden wherein he challenges the constitutionality of ACTA: Letter 1 | Letter 2 | Read the Administration’s Response to Wyden’s First Letter here: Response
- Watch a short informative video on ACTA: ACTA Video
- Watch a lulzy video on ACTA: Lulzy Video
Say NO to ACTA. It is essential to spread awareness and get the word out on ACTA. Via Tumblr
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1056733.html
You can comment either here or there.
Jan. 23rd, 2012 @ 11:12 pm
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| » Comcast being stupid |
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Comcast ad: "With CenturyLink, you have to bundle it with their phone service which costs extra money herp derp!" Me: Hey yeah, just like your fucking service, Comcast! I'm paying $50 a month for Internet and cable, and I don't even watch TV! So fuck you, Comcast!
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1056265.html
You can comment either here or there.
Jan. 22nd, 2012 @ 11:13 pm
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| » Sleep on Sundays sucks |
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Every Sunday, my sleep has been getting worse and worse. The crazier my sleep schedule gets, the harder it is to go to bed before midnight and be up at 8:45 AM. I thought it was going to be easy for once, last Saturnight1, because I was actually tired at 11 pm despite having woken up at 4 earlier. I thought I'd finally get 8 or 9 hours of good sleep before getting up to go to church (Unitarian Universalist). HA! I got four hours of good sleep, woke up to use the restroom, and couldn't get back to sleep. I tried having my mind think of pleasant things that might segue into dreams, but no go. I lay there for two hours before I gave up and got up, using the computer for a while. Another hour or two passed, and I got tired again. So I attempted to sleep for two more hours, which was all the time I had left to do so. I got very close to sleep, but never all the way. Always there would be something jerking me out of what little progress I had made.
What's worse, I've started hallucinating electronic noises. One of the times I got woken up, it was the sound my phone makes when it's running out of power. I got up, found the phone, flipped it up, and found it had full power. The sound it makes when it's running out of power is distinctive; nothing else I know of sounds like it.
Then I kept being jerked awake because I kept hearing the beep of the alarm clock. Now, I have two alarm clocks. The older one, which I never use, screeches horribly at me. The newer one does a series of single beeps, speeding up and getting louder with each beep. But it never takes more than a few seconds between beeps. So I'd hear the beep of the alarm clock, and when a minute or more passed without another beep, I knew it was a hallucination. Which, of course, didn't stop the same thing from happening about a dozen more times for those two hours. (But hell, I'd rather hallucinate electronic noises than creepy voices like that one time.) Oh, and a week or so ago, I was woken up by the sound of my mom shouting my name. Which, as soon as I woke up, I knew had to be a dream, unless Mom either learned how to shout from one side of the country to the other, or had dropped by unannounced (which is far less likely than the first).
Anyway, went to church and about the only thing keeping me awake for a lot of it was the fact that it is impossible for me to sleep sitting up. I can get damned close to "asleep" while sitting up, but never quite all the way. But I was awake enough for enough of it to appreciate a good service. The sermon was great and so was the organ music.
I skipped the social hour stuff, because I wanted so badly to get home and attempt sleep again. Only stop between there and home was the library, where I dropped off some books and DVDs. Was blessed by Dochramahn Tu-Ra on the way home, in that instead of waiting half an hour for the 71, it got there less than five minutes after I did. Got home, went to bed. Slept alright for once, for about 4 or 5 hours.
All this sleep insanity has resulted in an upset stomach and diarrhea (earlier today), as well.
Blargh. And my 'net got turned off again. I won't have enough money to pay the Internet bill until February. I hate my fucking life. I'm holding out for things to get easier. I can't wait for Lilla and I to move in together again so I can hold onto more of my money and be less stressed. I should have known this would end up happening; I can't take care of myself like a normal adult. If it's not one thing, it's another. And though I am introverted, I *do* need other people more often than I get them now.
Oh gods... this crap, where the rent takes most of my money and leaves me without enough to pay my bills... I just can't do this shit anymore. I need major help.
So yeah, Shao'Kehn, I'd like to make my own challenges now, instead of trying to weather the challenges of life that I'm obviously unequal to. Please?
*Sigh* I suppose this gives me the solution to my problem of how to get out of the house more. And with this setup Brooke has for me in her back room, I can do either writing or Internet without feeling like her bed is trying to kill me. (Her bed/sofa, really a futon, is the most uncomfortable thing ever. I have no idea how she sleeps on it, a bed of nails would be more comfortable.) Yes, any kind of hard chair is more comfortable for me than trying to use a bed, but that futon of hers is just ridiculous... a sack full of pointy rocks would be more comfortable.
1 = Saturnight: the night immediately following sunset on Saturday, lasts until the sun rises on Sunday. Same principle applies to Sunight, Moonight, Tuesnight, etc. I understand the reason for arbitrarily choosing midnight as the Day One/Day Two division, but without a common way to differentiate nights from days, I came up with one.
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1056015.html
You can comment either here or there.
Jan. 22nd, 2012 @ 07:15 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Creeper on the bus is reading a book called "The Appeal of Stalking."
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1055940.html
You can comment either here or there.
Jan. 22nd, 2012 @ 02:45 pm
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| » Sherlock |
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All I have to say about the end of this season of Sherlock: WHAT. THE. FUCK???
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1055715.html
You can comment either here or there.
Jan. 20th, 2012 @ 09:23 pm
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| » PSA: "New" Megaupload is a TRICK - Do NOT Click. You could go to jail |
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Signal boosting what I keep seeing on others' blogs:
The real Megaupload is shut down.
Any site/page saying it's a "new" Megaupload is actually a trick.
Clicking it will cause your computer to launch a DDos attack on other sites. You could possibly face legal action, including prison time.
Leave anything claiming to be Megaupload alone.
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1055429.html
You can comment either here or there.
Jan. 20th, 2012 @ 12:08 am
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| » Buffy's birthday |
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Went to a meetup today, at the Cosmic Monkey comic shop. It was a meetup to celebrate Buffy's (the character) birthday. It was a "hell, why not?" decision. I would have invited kengr to come along too, but forgot until it was too late.
Anyway, there was talking, and cake (chocolate cake!). We almost played the Buffy board game, but talking superseded things. I was going to play the role of evil if we'd gotten to actually play. Also, there weren't very many people there. We started with six people and got whittled down to four before long.
Oh yeah, and I won a door prize. Which was cool, since I rarely win things. I won a $20 gift certificate to this hot dog place on Hawthorne. I think the guy running the meetup said that they have a lunch special of a hot dog, fries (or was it chips?), and a drink for like $6, though I could be mis-remembering that, because I know for sure he said "so you can get four meals out of that," and 6 does not divide into 20 evenly. Anyway, there's a flier I can call them up to find out.
If Brooke (kengr) is interested, I'm gonna take her with me there and buy her a meal to thank her for all the times she's helped me out and paid for meals for me. :-) We can even look through the menu on the flier together tomorrow. :-D
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1055018.html
You can comment either here or there.
Jan. 19th, 2012 @ 10:30 pm
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| » The REAL parasites |
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This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1054590.html
You can comment either here or there.
Jan. 18th, 2012 @ 09:14 pm
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| » Winter in Portland |
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On Facebook I shared a photo of a cat captioned with the following: "It's winter in Canada And the gentle breezes blow Seventy miles an hour At thirty-five below. Oh, how I love Canada When the snow's up to your butt You take a breath of winter And your nose gets frozen shut. Yes, the weather here is wonderful So I guess I'll hang around I could never leave Canada I'm frozen to the bloody ground!"
Someone replied that New Zealand has a similar one saying God loves them because he gave them boiling mud.
So I came up with one for Portland:
It's winter in Portland! And the gentle rain falls, nonstop for weeks until it's well past your balls. Oh how I love Portland, when the rain's up to your chin! You put on your scuba suit and dive right in! Yes, the weather here is wonderful, So I guess I'll stay in the saddle, unless the rain washes me downstream without a paddle!
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1054302.html
You can comment either here or there.
Jan. 18th, 2012 @ 04:52 pm
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| » Well, that seemed to work. |
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Been having some trouble lately with half-nightmares, eerie dreams, etc. I'm pretty sure it's the darkness of winter and my being in my apartment too much of the time that are making the energy in the apartment turn sour. But it's been bad enough that I've been reluctant to go to bed because of it. I need to find some cleansing herbs to smudge.
Still, not having such a thing last night, and not having yet done the planned drawing of Morshiinin, the spikey Shao'Ahn'Dih'Gahn, or a dreamcatcher, I was considering the options last night. I needed *something*, because this problem is so annoying, especially because it's been making me afraid of the dark. I've *never* been afraid of the dark, even as a child; I *am* The Dark.1 And so I did something I should have thought of earlier: renewing the protective circle around the apartment. This involves shifting into Shao'Kehn energy, lots of visualized flames, and a burning hot circle of chaos fire around the apartment (Well, not a circle exactly. More like an oval). There was also visualization of the spikey Shao'Ahn'Dih'Gahn (more explanation on that when I get a pic of it drawn). It was quick and dirty, but effective. And well, I don't mean to sound like bragging, but I always knew my magick was more powerful than most people's even before I knew the reason (I am an avatar of Shao'Kehn). Most people would need to do a whole ritual, I think, to renew such a protective barrier. Mine took 5 minutes at the most. And I can still feel it working. Hell, when I was doing half-hour or longer magick rituals outside in Iowa, it would rain not long afterward, and the energy of the whole town would shift dramatically.
1 = So true, too. I would play outside well into the night, only coming in when Mom and Dad insisted on it. Lurking in the shadows, scaring friends and relatives. I was as comfortable in the darkness as a seal in water. And more comfortable in the dark than I was during the day.
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1053964.html
You can comment either here or there.
Jan. 17th, 2012 @ 03:52 pm
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| » Connotations of "black" |
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A post on Tumblr reminded me today that I have long been in love with the color black, and have long worked to give it new associations. It's a deeply spiritual color for me; both actual black *and* the "dark brown skin" that most people call black. Many of my Goddesses have brownish skin, like Shao'Kehn (who also has black hair). Grah'Bahn, Kusunia, and now Morshiinin have even darker brown skin. Morshenda's skin, hair, and eyes are true black in color; makes sense, since She is Deity of darkness and the night. None of my Deities are evil; Shao'Kehn can be a bit intense at times, especially Her Shao'MaHK/Dame Mah’HKrah (destruction) Aspect, but She's never been evil.
In the Yahgahn culture of Traipah, where all my Deities come from, their view of the color black is different. There's a scene in the second (and unpublished) book where we see a bit of this; a meeting on Traipah where waving a black flag indicates agreement and waving a white flag means disagreement. I don't know what their associations with white are beyond that, but they have positive associations with black. The part of their eyes that are white in human eyes, are black for them. They looked up at the night sky, it's blackness, and decided that black was the color from which creation sprang, that the bones of the universe were black. It is a sacred color to the Yahgahn culture, and many other Traipahni cultures.
In paganism we see other positive associations for black. Onyx and other black stones are protective stones and can absorb negativity, wicking it away and banishing it. Onyx is also good for working with one's inner fears and "inner demons." In color magick, black is the color of power, and can lend oomph to your energy, and to your magick workings; it's also good for bindings, for shape-shifting, and breaking free from bad habits and addictions. And the color brown is a stabilizing, grounding color good for motivational and work-related magick, as well as protection and money magick. Black is also the color of mystery, of things hidden, which may be why small minds fear it.
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1053740.html
You can comment either here or there.
Jan. 17th, 2012 @ 06:16 am
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| » Something annoying about Avatar: The Last Airbender |
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In the cartoon series "Avatar: The Last Airbender," the character Sakka annoys me greatly sometimes. He's such a huge skeptic, constantly saying stuff like "There's nothing magical about [such-and-such]." Dude, you live in a world where magic is real, and is known by all to be real. Your sister uses magic to control water. You hang out with a kid who controls air and water, and is seeking to learn to control earth and fire. You are constantly riding on a bison that flies without the aid of wings. You've seen dangerous spirits with your own two eyes, even been kidnapped by one. You've also seen peaceful spirits with your eyes as well. You witnessed the moon turn red when the living incarnation of the moon was mortally wounded. You've witnessed wounds being healed with magic. You've ridden on giant animals that use magic to move the earth. SO STOP WITH THE FUCKING SKEPTICISM ALREADY! He who denies what he has witnessed with his own two eyes, as constantly as you have, has flown WAY past skepticism into DELUSION.
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1053653.html
You can comment either here or there.
Jan. 17th, 2012 @ 05:23 am
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| » I may have figured something out at last. |
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Before moving to Portland, I never, EVER slipped, tripped, or fell, and never twisted my ankle. Then, one of the years I was living with Lilla, I stepped down from a step wrong and twisted my ankle badly enough that I was hobbling with a swollen ankle and ice on it. It took about two or three weeks to heal. Ever since then, I've managed to twist my ankle every few months or so, though never so badly, thank goodness. It happened again the other day, only hurt for a few minutes but goddamn annoying all the same.
But this time, I think I may know what's going on. I'm not certain, but I think it's those heeled boots I was wearing. Not too much of a heel, but just enough to make walking more hazardous. Though, then again, I'm not so sure. I seem to recall twisting it once when I was wearing normal flats. I shall have to take notes if it happens again.
And it's always the left foot, never the right foot. Weird. Maybe that first time just jinxed it?
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1053188.html
You can comment either here or there.
Jan. 17th, 2012 @ 03:51 am
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| » Oy vey |
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( Cut for TMI )
This was cross-posted from http://fayanora.dreamwidth.org/1053028.html
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Jan. 17th, 2012 @ 12:59 am
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